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What is your greatest achievement?

I was in a band that provided the soundtrack for a failed attempt at the Guinness record for most people simultaneously brushing their teeth.

What was your high school yearbook quote?

“One for all and all for me, me for you and three for five and six for a quarter”
— Groucho Marx

Where’s the strangest place you’ve ever had a beer?

I once had Miller High Life in a haunted former brothel.

What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken?

I’ve taught two teenagers to drive.


sour cream, gummy bears, natural lighting, the word “nincompoop”


drive-thrus, tshirt tags, the designated hitter, “What’s Going On” by The Four Non Blondes

What’s your favorite artificial flavor?


If you were a professional baseball player, what would be your walk-up music?